Feeling Ashamed and embarressed..but I am here

[Trish]

Hello everyone,
The last time I was here was in 2010, before that I was trying to get back to a happy medium and well, I completely gave up. I got tired of counting and stressing myself out and just said I am just going to have to accept that I am going to be fat. I stopped going to the gym all together and when I tried going back, I changed gyms so that no one I knew would see me, but they did and I just didn’t want to talk to anyone. I went through a separation due to my weight as my significant other told me he no longer was attracted to me since I had gained 20 lbs and that was it for me. I didn’t care and got fatter and thought I don’t want someone to be with me because of how I look, but who am I kidding, we are all attracted to what we like, but I was hurt. It’s been now 3 yrs and I am still struggling.
I really know I don’t like to be fat and feel bad about myself I just can’t seem to stick with things. I recently joined some weight loss program and lost 16 lbs after 3 months and then went on vacation and completely stopped dieting but when I came back instead of getting back I just kept on. I felt like I already messed up.
It’s a bad circle for me and I know that I was at my happiest when I was fit. I really would be ok with being in a 13/14 I don’t want to try and be a fitness competitor, I just wish that when I was fit I would have thought that way; instead I tried to get lower and lower and made myself unhappy. Now I am 260 lbs, the biggest I have ever been. Not even when I first started I was that big.

Anyhow, it has taken me quite some time to go ahead and put myself out there and look for the support I once enjoyed without feeling like I am a failure.
From here to a new beginning…

[Becca Staggs]

Welcome, Trish!!
Glad you shared your story with us. Yes, we're all attracted to certain things but pure weight gain of 20 lbs is, IMO, not a good enough reason for someone to leave! If there weren't other factors, heck, you're better of without 'em!

It's never too late to start over right? You know what it takes to lose the weight, you've done it before and you can do it again.

We'll be following along. Please keep us posted and stick around.

[BeanBabe]

Good luck on your weight loss, and don't give up on yourself. I hope that you find the self love you are looking for.

[Fleur]

Hey! Welcome! That's an intense story. I hope that you find a lot of support here and get comfortable. Looking forward to your story as it goes!

[NYCStrongFox]

Trish, I'm sure it took a lot of strenght for you to come on and post what you've been going through. I'm sorry you've gone through a lot, but at the same time, life is full of lessons. The first person who needs to be happy is you. You need to put yourself first and think about the things that make you happy, set up a plan with small goals and take it one day at a time.

Life gets tough, Lord knows I've had my share and so many here too. You have it in you, it may be deep down, but you have it in you to take a little step here and there and make the changes that will make TRISH happy. Try to go back to some of the things you've enjoyed doing. Focus on getting healthy, not stage ready. Your mental health is important, so work on the little things that make you happy, then look to do something different to help with your physical health. Finding buddies that want to walk several miles a day/week, seek workout videos you can do at home if you don't want to go to the gym. Little steps, little goals, some motivational reading (like here on SC.com), surrounding yourself with supportive and positive friends and family can be a good start.

SC.com is family and after a while away too, i still have my friends here and I see the support for each other STILL exists. One day at a time my friend.

[ShawnCarla]

I think we all have gone through the mental struggle you have at one point or another. I think we can all relate to what you're feeling as well. All hope is not lost and you are not alone! There are many days I ask myself why I do all of this.. I fall off the wagon and I feel like absolute dog sh*t mentally and physically when I do.
This site is full of ladies who will support you when you feel like giving up. I know coming here keeps me pushing forward. I know what the alternative is and its no more fun or enjoyable.
So I'm glad you had the courage to stand up and say that you're not going to deal with that crap anymore! We are here to help push you as hard as you need us to!

[LaurenFazio]

Welcome! Thank you for sharing that.

Good luck with your journey, you can do it SC is the best place for motivation and support.

[MicheleW]

Wow, that took an amazing amount of courage to share. Most people wait until they reach their goal weight to share where they started so I admire you for putting yourself out there as you begin your journey. And I say BEGIN because posting here was the first step for you to get healthy.....since your #1 goal right now should be health not what a boyfriend thinks, not what size that will be, or anything of the like. I wish you the very best

[Damzie]

Just wanted to say hello and wish you well on your journey. I think the fact that you showed up here puts you in a much more advantageous place than many women who need to lose weight. There's so much terrible information out there about how to be healthy and how to lose weight. This is a place where you can get really, really good information. So, take advantage of all the giving souls here who will be more than willing to help you along the way.

You got this, girl!

[Crystol88]

Trish, welcome back!

You're not a failure. You're 100% completely, absolutely normal. Don't let anyone, most especially that little voice in your head, tell you different.

I'll be following along, but wanted to direct you to the threads in this forum:
http://www.siouxcountry.com/forumdisplay.php?f=278

And to this thread on emotional eating:
http://www.siouxcountry.com/showthread.php?t=20093

to provide you with some food for thought or soul food (because right now it's your spirit that needs nourishing, right? )

Take care.

[Suzanne]

My heart goes out to you. I know the feeling of wanting to hide and not be seen.

Everyone's experience is different but for me very small changes in the beginning is what i feel kept me from falling off the plan. Once I started my weight loss in 1995 i never reverted back and gained any weight. I did have a couple years where I maintained my weight since I could not get to the gym due to school and work (bus only runs so many hours training at 4 am is not an option)

My personal belief in why people can't stay on course is many programs or triners for weight loss make too many huge changes all at once and it isnt' something that can be a lifestyle.

During my weight loos i never felt like i was dieting i never felt deprived therefore I was able to stay the course

I started extremely simple
got rid of sugar soda - since i took the bus i was often waiting at bus stops 15-60 minutes so i had gotten into the habit of going into 7-11 or fast food and getting a huge soda. I got rid of that switched to ice

i started eating more and more at home

of course the first year or so weight loss was slow as it was a learning curve but each change was something i could stick with

I never owned a scale to weigh myself until i started competing

I never counted calories or weighed my food until i had lost all the weight and started competing

I made the most progress once i read body for life that is when i went to 6 meals and more structured on the food but still no calories or weighing

i ate out but knew how to make things "cleaner"

I made very small goals of going down once clothing size i did not look at the big picture for me that would have been too overwhelming

Agian this is what my personal experience was maybe some of this can help you reach your goals

[Trish]

I just logged in to take a peak and I really really appreicate all the support. and every single persons reply.


I am looking forward to making small steps.

['Lil Dynamo]

Hi Trish! Welcome back Thanks for sharing with us because I know it wasn't easy to do that. You're in a good place for motivation and support!

[fitbecks]

Trish,don't give up! I've been through 2 breakdowns but what kept me going was courage and willpower,you still have that,even though you are where you are now.

Baby steps...

[johnstoa]

Hi Trish

I admire you for coming forward and sharing your story. I know that had to be very difficult, but I think you will feel a weight has been lifted by just getting it out. I know that this forum has a lot of wonderful women and men who offer a great deal of support and seem to take great joy in lifting women up. Definitely don't give up on yourself, deep down you already know that you can do anything you set your mind and heart to. Good luck to you and I look forward to hearing how you come back stronger than ever before.

[LauraHowell]

Trish,

Beautiful, real honesty. It was very courageous to make the commitment to keep going. You know you have support here. Onward and upward, and I believe your on your way back up.

[IslandGirl]

Hi Trish! Welcome home! It's so great to see you!

That did take a lot of courage to write out and submit. That was the first step.

As a few of the ladies here mentioned...baby steps. One foot in front of the other (ok, that sounds corny, but oh so true!), keep moving forward.

Set little mini goals for yourself. Check them off when you achieve them. Pat yourself on the back. Give yourself credit! Always acknowledge that you are a special person!

You can do this!

[figurefelicia]

Trish, welcome back! I'm so glad you came here to start over. I can't imagine how hard it was for you to be so vulnerable and authentic, but you've done it in a great place - and in my opinion, the best place. I will echo what every one else has said and encourage small, accomplishable goals instead of huge, overwhelming, sweeping changes. Very honored to be a part of your journey and follow along!

[ripitupbaby]

Originally Posted by NYCStrongFox

Trish, I'm sure it took a lot of strenght for you to come on and post what you've been going through. I'm sorry you've gone through a lot, but at the same time, life is full of lessons. The first person who needs to be happy is you. You need to put yourself first and think about the things that make you happy, set up a plan with small goals and take it one day at a time.

Life gets tough, Lord knows I've had my share and so many here too. You have it in you, it may be deep down, but you have it in you to take a little step here and there and make the changes that will make TRISH happy. Try to go back to some of the things you've enjoyed doing. Focus on getting healthy, not stage ready. Your mental health is important, so work on the little things that make you happy, then look to do something different to help with your physical health. Finding buddies that want to walk several miles a day/week, seek workout videos you can do at home if you don't want to go to the gym. Little steps, little goals, some motivational reading (like here on SC.com), surrounding yourself with supportive and positive friends and family can be a good start.

SC.com is family and after a while away too, i still have my friends here and I see the support for each other STILL exists. One day at a time my friend.

Originally Posted by ShawnCarla

I think we all have gone through the mental struggle you have at one point or another. I think we can all relate to what you're feeling as well. All hope is not lost and you are not alone! There are many days I ask myself why I do all of this.. I fall off the wagon and I feel like absolute dog sh*t mentally and physically when I do.
This site is full of ladies who will support you when you feel like giving up. I know coming here keeps me pushing forward. I know what the alternative is and its no more fun or enjoyable.
So I'm glad you had the courage to stand up and say that you're not going to deal with that crap anymore! We are here to help push you as hard as you need us to!

Originally Posted by Crystol88

Trish, welcome back!

You're not a failure. You're 100% completely, absolutely normal. Don't let anyone, most especially that little voice in your head, tell you different.

I'll be following along, but wanted to direct you to the threads in this forum:
http://www.siouxcountry.com/forumdisplay.php?f=278

And to this thread on emotional eating:
http://www.siouxcountry.com/showthread.php?t=20093

to provide you with some food for thought or soul food (because right now it's your spirit that needs nourishing, right? )

Take care.

Originally Posted by Suzanne

My heart goes out to you. I know the feeling of wanting to hide and not be seen.

Everyone's experience is different but for me very small changes in the beginning is what i feel kept me from falling off the plan. Once I started my weight loss in 1995 i never reverted back and gained any weight. I did have a couple years where I maintained my weight since I could not get to the gym due to school and work (bus only runs so many hours training at 4 am is not an option)

My personal belief in why people can't stay on course is many programs or triners for weight loss make too many huge changes all at once and it isnt' something that can be a lifestyle.

During my weight loos i never felt like i was dieting i never felt deprived therefore I was able to stay the course

I started extremely simple
got rid of sugar soda - since i took the bus i was often waiting at bus stops 15-60 minutes so i had gotten into the habit of going into 7-11 or fast food and getting a huge soda. I got rid of that switched to ice

i started eating more and more at home

of course the first year or so weight loss was slow as it was a learning curve but each change was something i could stick with

I never owned a scale to weigh myself until i started competing

I never counted calories or weighed my food until i had lost all the weight and started competing

I made the most progress once i read body for life that is when i went to 6 meals and more structured on the food but still no calories or weighing

i ate out but knew how to make things "cleaner"

I made very small goals of going down once clothing size i did not look at the big picture for me that would have been too overwhelming

Agian this is what my personal experience was maybe some of this can help you reach your goals

Welcome back!

[lil mama]

Welcome back Trish good to have you aboard I agree with all the ladies who posted above me. Especially with what Susie Q said cause thats pretty much how I went about it so just know ya have it in you to be as successful as you want...its in ya so have to believe ya can do it so be good to your body and soul and it will good too you lator gator