IPL'S JOKES FOR THE DAY~!!
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart
with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the
The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, "Good morning, and welcome to
Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "H*ll no they ain't!
The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you
think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter."I just
couldn't believe someone would sleep with you twice. Have a good
day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."
*****THIS IS A TRUE STORY, NOT A JOKE.....BUT I THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE IT********
THE GINGHAM DRESS
> A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband,
> >> dressed in a
> >> Homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked
> >> Timidly without an appointment into the Harvard University
> >> President's outer office.
> >> The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, Country
> >> hicks had no business at Harvard & probably didn't even deserve to be
> >> in Cambridge.
> 'We'd like to see the president,' the man said softly.
> >> 'He'll be busy all day,' the secretary snapped.
> >> 'We'll wait,' the lady replied.
> >> For hours the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple Would
> >> finally become discouraged and go away.
> They didn't, and the secretary grew frustrated
> >> and finally
> >> Decided to disturb the president, e ven though it was a chore she
> >> always regretted.
> 'Maybe if you see them for a few minutes, they'll leave,' she said to
> He sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance
> Obviously didn't have the time to spend with them, Gingham dresses and
> homespun suits cluttering up his outer office.
> The president, stern faced and with dignity, strutted toward the
> The lady told him, 'We had a son who attended Harvard for one Year. He
> loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was
> accidentally killed. My husband and I would like to erect a memorial to
> him, somewhere on campus.'
> The president wasn't touched. He was shocked.
> 'Madam,' he said, gruffly, 'we can't put up a statue for every
> Person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look
> like a cemetery.'
> 'Oh, no,' the lady explained quickly. 'We don't
> >> want to erect a
> >> Statue. We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard.'
> The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the
> >> gingham dress
> >> And homespun suit, then exclaimed, 'A building! Do you have any
> >> earthly idea how much a building costs?
> >> We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical
> >> buildings here at Harvard.'
> >> For a moment the lady was silent. The president was pleased.
> >> Maybe he could get rid of them now.
> >> The lady turned to her husband and said quietly, 'Is that all it Cost
> >> to start a university? Why don't we just start our own? '
> >> Her husband nodded. The president's face wilted in confusion and
> >> Bewilderment.
> >> Mr. And Mrs. Leland Stanford got up and walked away, traveling To
> >> Palo Alto, California where they established the university that
> >> Bears their name, Stanford University, a memorial to a son that
> >> Harvard no longer cared about.
> >> You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat Those
> >> who they think can do nothing for them.
> >> ---- A TRUE STORY By Malcolm Forbes
> >> 'People will forget what you said, People will forget what you did.'
> >> 'But people will never forget how you made them feel'.
What does a blonde say after her doctor tells her that she's pregnant.
Is it mine?>
What's the difference between a blonde and the titanic ?
You know how many men went down on the titanic.
What is the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde?
There have actually been sightings of Bigfoot.
FOR THE LADIES~!!!
Men are like fine wine: They all start out as grapes, and it is your job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have with dinner.
Why do men have a hole in their penis?
So oxygen can get to their brain!
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Men are like snowstorms: You never know when they are coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.