Am I a bad person?

**cray17** · #1 09-22-2009, 11:03 PM

I just need to reassure myself. Going through some much needed soul searching...

http://fitgems.blogspot.com/2009/09/is-it-worth-it.html

**jewelisa** · #2 09-22-2009, 11:11 PM

hello there ,

just read your blog.. i am sorry you are feeling that way .. not sure why you feel that way ? but i hope you feel better ...

maybe your just in a rut .. happens to everyone..

hang in there i am sure you are not hated

Siouxcountry · #3 09-23-2009, 12:07 AM

Cray you are not hated. No one has ever wrote me anything negative about you.

I know you are a good guy.

ibarramedia · #4 09-23-2009, 12:07 AM

Hang in there Cray. We all have bad days. If a troll is bothering you, forget them. eff them. Just be yourself.

**fbbfanatic** · #5 09-23-2009, 01:29 AM

Sorry to hear that you're feeling blue. It's usually disappointing when things don't go according to plan. But it happens to the best of us. Nice sig by the way. Reminds me of Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken."

**Chawk1** · #6 09-23-2009, 02:05 AM

I have always enjoyed your post's. You are young and some people might not take you seriously because of it. I say who cares do what you love to do and most importantly stay true to yourself. There is always someone who may think they do not like you but do they really know you?? Probally not Hold your head up and keep pushing!

**scottnva** · #7 09-23-2009, 02:18 AM

i 2nd what Carin says here, thanks for sharing hang in there bro

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chawk1

I have always enjoyed your post's. You are young and some people might not take you seriously because of it. I say who cares do what you love to do and most importantly stay true to yourself. There is always someone who may think they do not like you but do they really know you?? Probally not Hold your head up and keep pushing!

**Koaleen** · #8 09-23-2009, 03:32 AM

I send hugs

**AnneP** · #9 09-23-2009, 08:30 AM

Oh ...

Cray dear, first of all, I think you are doing great job. I ve been linking to your blog on European boards every time I ve found something interesting there. So I dont find you hated or anything!

The thing is ... some persons are simply that way. I mean I dont know what others think of u, maybe you are hated by them, but why do you care? I ve been in this sports for millions of years. And there have been millions of people to talk shit about me, to find everything bad in what I do etc etc. But you gotta just think that who you are, what you wanna do in YOUR life. You looove bodybuilding ,fitness, figure... so do I... And I would damn not let anyone to influence on what I wanna do and what I have passion for. So please do not CARE if someone not-likes-you. I do know it does not feel good.... I mean I myself have nothing against anyone and still I face complaints, shit talk , everything. It does not feel good cause all you wanna do is good for sport. But such persons will be always on earth. So why to care... fuck them and do your thing!

**anglicanbeachparty** · #10 09-23-2009, 10:42 AM

Hi C-Ray,

I read your blog entry. I have never heard an ill word spoken of you from anyone, whether on line or at a bodybuilding show. So, I definitely don't think you're hated.

My own impression, from seeing you on the internet only is that you are "one of the good guys" ... that is the phrase that best describes my mental impressions when I see your screen name come up in a thread.

I've never seen any nonsense, drama, or s**t-stirring from you; never! So, I think you are doing a great job.

I've had days or weeks or months when I've felt the way you describe in your blog, and for me at least, it has more to do with being ignored than being hated.

Like many, I'd rather my internet offerings be greeted with hostility than with the yawn of boredom ... or the gaping silence that so often follows something I write. The response of some (we call them drama queens or drama llamas or whatever) is to ratchet up the provocative nature of their posts in hopes of getting at least some reaction.

What I think you are experiencing is that you are having trouble "cutting through the noise" and getting noticed. But this has reasons, as in my case, and it is not malevolent on anyone's part. The competitors are super-busy ... the logistics of competition and prep are mind-boggling. Other fans may be jealous ... THEY should be getting noticed. In my own case, I see your notices on FaceBook, but I am doing so much O/T at work, I can't take time to act on them. No hostility on my part, just Busy Life Syndrome.

My advice is to keep doing exactly what you're doing. You're in this for the long haul. You're on the right path. You will gradually pick up some friends and allies (and perhaps a few enemies, but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong). Keep on keeping on, sir!

**teri** · #11 09-23-2009, 11:44 AM

I think ur great,and a super supporter !!! Dont let the haters bring u down

,we all have them -for NO REASON- thats life!! Just keep doing what u do!! and i say -ROCK THE WORLD!

Becca Staggs · #12 09-23-2009, 03:46 PM

Just chiming in to say I agree with what your friends here at SC are saying. Tomorrow will be better. Don't let it get to you.

Put your game face on and forget about them.

Siouxcountry · #13 09-23-2009, 04:06 PM

Cray, how are you feeling today?

Cray I'm sorry I didn't take part in your chat. I should have taken sometime to chat with you.

I know how it feels to be ignored, I think most of us do. It makes us depressed.

It is very difficult to create a site that gets a good amount of attention and traffic in this industry.

**Suzanne** · #14 09-23-2009, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by teri

I think ur great,and a super supporter !!! Dont let the haters bring u down

,we all have them -for NO REASON- thats life!! Just keep doing what u do!! and i say -ROCK THE WORLD!

x2

**lil mama** · #15 09-23-2009, 06:11 PM

C-ray your not a bad person, so get that outta your head you are well liked by many people and if someone has a problem with you so what. You are doing what you love best so take ABP advice.... "My advice is to keep doing exactly what you're doing. You're in this for the long haul. You're on the right path. You will gradually pick up some friends and allies (and perhaps a few enemies, but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong). Keep on keeping on, sir!"

AND DO DA HAPPY DANCE, AND DANCE BABE CAUSE YOU ARE CRAY AND YOU HAVE A LIST OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS THAT NO ONE CAN TAKE AWAY FROM YOU !!! and if anyones hates give a glass of HATERAIDE AS YOU DO THE HAPPY DANCE

**cray17** · #16 09-23-2009, 06:37 PM

Sioux...you want to know how I'm doing today?

Well..I do have a few tears, but believe it or not, none of them are sad tears. It's knowing that you all really do care. I can sense that. You all could have ignore my thread and moved on, as there's far more going on than my pitiful problems right now (I mean, it's Olympia time!!!

), but instead I got words of encouragement on here, and through PMs. I need to suck it up and realize that the world is not revolve around me, and things can and will go wrong. Forgive me if I came across as a naive baby and attention hog. I'm young and stupid. And I'm from the male species. LOL...

Trust me, I can live with the failure of the chat. It didn't work out, I'll just move on. It's not the end of the world. That wasn't the main reason I wrote what I wrote yesterday. I have a confession to make, and to be honest with you...I'm really scared on how you all will take this. But here it goes anyways...

I'm from a small community, meaning things such as this industry are known as "foreign stuff", meaning yes, women are not supposed to be built. I ignore them and move on with my life. I look at pictures and videos from not just Siouxcountry, but all across the board, and I say to myself..."When will it be my time?" "What do I have to do to be there?" "When will that be me?" I'm not talking about being on a group picture (although that would be nice), I'm talking about actually BEING there. One day, it will come. One day, I'll be at a contest providing coverage and pics for all of YOU.

Would you believe that's the short story?!?! LOL...Seriously, though, these responses have made my day, and I can't thank you all enough for caring. You're all awesome!!!

**jewelisa** · #17 09-23-2009, 06:52 PM

hey clay glad you are sounding better .. and you will get there ... some of us are still trying to get " there " we cry , rant, feel sorry for ourselves , then dust ourselves off and go for it again !

your not alone .. feel free to call out on your friends anytime ..

not to sound sappy but i also am going through " stuff" right now .. and coming here and reading and stuff feels great !

and sometimes i forget to recheck a pos t for there are a whole bunch of new ones ! and i can only hope the gals and guys understand !

have a great day

**KP DIVA** · #18 09-23-2009, 06:57 PM

So glad you are feeling better!! Yes, one day you will be at the shows providing coverage!! Just take your time....When I was 22yo I wasn't in Vegas, NY, or ATL providing coverage, let alone just visiting...that crap is expensive!! In due time...you are very young, I have no doubt that w/ your determination and luv for the sport you'll get to the Arnold's and Olympia's one day!!!

**Shelly** · #19 09-23-2009, 07:32 PM

cray no worries you are well liked here

**Laura Bailey** · #20 09-24-2009, 08:41 AM

Wow! Had no idea you felt that way Chris. I have told you on many occassions how thankful I am to have a supporter/promoter of fitness....especially being african american myself. Do you really think the issues you are referring to are about race and age though? I've never thought you came across as "creepy" either. In fact just the opposite. VERY genuine, and supportive.

I will say that around the same time your message board began, there was a huge start up of several others.....almost within a 3-4 week period, which does make it difficult to post on them all. I was doing pretty good with posting on most of them at first, but then it dwindled. I still think what you are doing is great.......if you do have nay-sayers......FORGET 'EM MAN!! Can't please everyone and you are obviously well respected on this board...so SHAKE THEM HATERS OFF C-RAY!!